I posted poems I wrote yesterday on my other blog. I figured anything dark and deep will be put in that blog, since after all, this blog is meant to be positive and help me see light.
I feel as though I started feeling a bit better last night. I exercised, did some self care by taking a bath, and talked with a friend who helped lift my spirits.
Earlier today, I received two emails regarding job opportunities from care.com. I've been applying to numerous places and nobody has contacted me, despite my attempts to follow-up. So, receiving those emails helped boost some form of self confidence. I know I should not be basing my self worth on jobs and such, but when you feel like your life is at a standstill and you need a job to survive, it's hard not to base your self worth on them. Right now, my sanity is dependent on it. After all, jobs help give a sense of purpose and overall, is a great distraction from becoming idle. Having a job will also allow me to hang out with friends/be around people more since I will be able to afford to do so.
In program today, I requested to be switched from the emotional eating track to a different track. Although I found this track to be helpful, I feel as though my eating is not really affected by my emotional state...it's deeper. My eating habits are affected by my lack of self care, which is caused by lack of self love and compassion. So the track I hope to switch to is...you guessed it...self compassion.
I was happy today to be given the opportunity to participate in art therapy. It's been over 2 weeks since I've done an art therapy class. I started doing art on my own, however, it's not the same. I wrote a post about art therapy in my other blog.
So today's quote we were given was:
"It's funny how, when things seem darkest, moments of beauty present themselves in the most unexpected places."~Moning
This is the artwork I made that was inspired by this quote:
Although at first, I was attempting to replicate the northern lights, it wasn't working out too well, so I made a different celestial piece of art. (I was hesitant on using glitter; I remember being told by a professor in college that "anything with glitter is not art." I think using glitter was a way for me to say FU to the professor).
One of the things I love most are stars. When I lived in Colorado, the night sky was so magnificent. Any time night came, I would just be so grateful for having the opportunity to experience the balls of gas. I loved just staring up at the sky. There were numerous times where I would just take my sleeping bag and fall asleep staring up at them. There is something about them that just connects me to "home."
And...in order to be able to appreciate these stars, there must be darkness.
I didn't really think about what I just stated much until today. When I think of my own darkness, I put blinders on all the beautiful things around.
I just hope this is a reminder for me to seek out the stars. Of course there are going to be days when the clouds block them out, but they are still there...just hidden.
Thank you for reading!
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